y'alright?

which is equivalent to "how are you?," but it still catches me off-guard sometimes. of course i'm alright.

today's been a don't touch me day, so far. which is going to make for a very awkward dancing session tonight, but i'll push through it, i suppose (oh, the agony.) . . .

i wonder about being the friend who sticks around. because i think that by being the one who sticks around, you inevitably become the one who gets left. people don't like to take people with them when they move on, you know.

how awfully selfish, wasn't that? disgusting.

i'm going to be a dork and recite (select parts of) my buddhism lecture to you. it was on suffering, which is kind of my thing. not that i'm a masochist or a sadist, but i do want to be a therapist, and therefore have to be somewhat interested in the process of suffering. not to mention the part of my interest that stems purely from it's existence in my life and the lives of my family and friends.

there's a yellow jacket in my room. fantastic.

hooray, it flew out.

anyway, suffering. is called "dukkha" in pali, which is the latin of buddhism.

my notes:

what is dukkha?
- a problem/suffering/'unsatisfactoriness'
- life is full of it; life will never be perfect
- approach dukkha; FACE IT

6 kinds of suffering
1) dukkha dukkha
- something intrinsic about human experience (i.e. death, aging, etc.)
- "normal" pain
- pain means you are alive
2) viparinama dukkha
- dukkha x sukkha = unpleasant x pleasant
- sukkha/pleasure can be equivalent to dukkha/pain
- both are temporary
- caused by clinging too tightly to sukkha
3) sankhara dukkha
- dukkha caused by our attachment to our sense of ego
- we are not who we think we are
- open up your sense of self: examine why we cling to it
4) paticchanna dukkha
- concealed/covered up/subconscious pain (i.e. trauma that's been suppressed)
5) apaticchanna dukkha
- exposed/conscious pain
6) pariyaya dukkha
- the fact that one is reborn again and again, and that one is caught up in an endless orbit
- not just a life-long cycle, can be a daily cycle/the everyday-life cycle

fascinating stuff, isn't it? i'm sure this is some sort of travesty, but the (unintentional though they may be) parallels to my faith are so blatant at some points that i can't help but become a little more settled - like if we agree on this, then we didn't come up with it in a vacuum, you know? sometimes i worry about that and doctrine. if you come up with doctrine in a denominational bubble it never really fits, i don't think. so the fact that others recognize what we do, though they take it in a different direction, means we didn't come up with it on our own. i like people, but that doesn't mean i should blindly trust them with my spiritual doctrine. there's something about the idea that buddhists and christians have the same general idea about suffering that is so big it couldn't be the work of humans, you know. that's encouraging.

and sure, there are really big differences between the two faiths, i just wanted to point out the similarities for a moment, because they do exist, i think.

my grandpa would die if he knew his own flesh and blood was comparing buddhism to presbyterianism : )

i love my grandpa.

i'm tired. i think it's time for a nap. here's the picture of my internship that i promised to post a million years ago:



a yucky nuetral, with moments of (slightly crinkled) hallelujah!'s.

farewell, friends; hello, naptime.