I've been reading back over some of my older posts, and I'm in the process of wondering at growth. It seems to me that the older I get, the less I have to say about things. In essence, now I am living what I used to type away about. What I am thinking is that the need to process verbally decreases when you incorporate ideas into your daily life, because the more fully you understand a concept, the less likely you are to try to express it in so many words.
...of these many miles
that do but oppress
strain and fray our common threads
and of the indescribable moments
between sleep and wakefulness, life and dream
you needn't say a thing...
My time in Morgantown has been spent well, as painful as it was at times. It's not over yet, either, but I feel content with the timing of my move. It's amazing to look back on progress and realize it was totally other than what I had planned for myself.
Happy Saturday :)
[Title and lyrics: Ben Sollee & Daniel Martin Moore]
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Kids on the Run
I hope this orange doesn't get old. I think I like it a lot.
So reading over my last post it does seem a bit... breathless, I guess. I think the part of it that I would recant, if I could, is the underlying assumption that the end of my growth process will look like I think it will. Meaning this: I was kind of bartering with God still, thinking that if I devote myself to this growth process, he will give me that thing I pine for. Pine is a strong word, but I use it purposefully. Funny, isn't it? I always think I'm being so mature.
In other news: I am officially moving home for the summer, to figure out where the wind will take me. I am so excited to rest and enjoy being home. The two options I am considering for fall are 1) stay in Asheville and pursue a doctorate in Rehabilitation Counseling online under my current department chair, who wants to incorporate a lot of complementary and alternative medical approaches in the curriculum (!!), or 2) move to Knoxville with the intention of getting a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and bring the CAM approaches with me. Both options have their pros and cons, but I am happy to report that I have time to sit on this decision! It is nice to have the space to consider each one - I am looking forward to the process.
[Title: The Tallest Man on Earth]
So reading over my last post it does seem a bit... breathless, I guess. I think the part of it that I would recant, if I could, is the underlying assumption that the end of my growth process will look like I think it will. Meaning this: I was kind of bartering with God still, thinking that if I devote myself to this growth process, he will give me that thing I pine for. Pine is a strong word, but I use it purposefully. Funny, isn't it? I always think I'm being so mature.
In other news: I am officially moving home for the summer, to figure out where the wind will take me. I am so excited to rest and enjoy being home. The two options I am considering for fall are 1) stay in Asheville and pursue a doctorate in Rehabilitation Counseling online under my current department chair, who wants to incorporate a lot of complementary and alternative medical approaches in the curriculum (!!), or 2) move to Knoxville with the intention of getting a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and bring the CAM approaches with me. Both options have their pros and cons, but I am happy to report that I have time to sit on this decision! It is nice to have the space to consider each one - I am looking forward to the process.
[Title: The Tallest Man on Earth]
Sunday, February 6, 2011
You've been dreaming
Alright, it's been a few months.
I am here, I am doing well. But let me qualify "well": I am in the throes of a tremendous growth process. Surely, surely, this is the one that will get me there. I'll be done maturing after this time right?
I'm learning to rest and lean on God for everything. And this is using the word "everything" in the most comprehensive and frustrating (as per my pride) way.
It is possible that I'm just being melodramatic, but this really feels like a big deal. Like this is one of the most profound lessons I will ever learn. Truthfully, I've been learning it my whole life, but this feels a lot like culmination. I realize I'm only 23, I'm just telling you what I feel like. And I guess what it feels like, really, is that I'm getting ready to move on to the next phase of my life (the one involving career, a settled lifestyle and personality, and hopefully family) and I am being prepared for it.
To be on the cusp of something great! And that I don't get in my own way by daydreaming or resisting or throwing toddler-style emotional tantrums. Internally of course - I'm way too poised for the alternative.
Ha. Haha. Right :)
I am here, I am doing well. But let me qualify "well": I am in the throes of a tremendous growth process. Surely, surely, this is the one that will get me there. I'll be done maturing after this time right?
I'm learning to rest and lean on God for everything. And this is using the word "everything" in the most comprehensive and frustrating (as per my pride) way.
It is possible that I'm just being melodramatic, but this really feels like a big deal. Like this is one of the most profound lessons I will ever learn. Truthfully, I've been learning it my whole life, but this feels a lot like culmination. I realize I'm only 23, I'm just telling you what I feel like. And I guess what it feels like, really, is that I'm getting ready to move on to the next phase of my life (the one involving career, a settled lifestyle and personality, and hopefully family) and I am being prepared for it.
To be on the cusp of something great! And that I don't get in my own way by daydreaming or resisting or throwing toddler-style emotional tantrums. Internally of course - I'm way too poised for the alternative.
Ha. Haha. Right :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Tradition!
I have blogged about my New Year's resolution for the past couple of years, and I decided to continue that pattern at least for one more.
This year, I want to take care of myself better and manage stress in a way that will help me be more efficient as an employee, more helpful as a counselor, and more present as a person. At the moment, this is breaking down into being more organized on a daily basis, being more honest with myself about how I am, and taking breaks when I need to even if I feel like I should be doing something else. I also am taking on the mantra of the 12-step community and focusing on ONE DAY AT A TIME, seeing as how managing 24 hours successfully is a whole lot easier than trying to plan the next 72 at once. I've learned about myself that I tend to avoid reality in many ways; one of them being planning the future to a point where I don't exist in the present - I make my dreams for the future my reality and it robs me of the time I have. I don't want to be always looking forward and waiting for better things to happen, I want to appreciate where I am. To do that, I will have to address the issues of the present, including stress management and self care.
To 2011, that I will be more comfortable in my own skin and that I will function better for it. And to organization! My ever present (and somehow never quite achieved) goal...
Happy New Year :)
This year, I want to take care of myself better and manage stress in a way that will help me be more efficient as an employee, more helpful as a counselor, and more present as a person. At the moment, this is breaking down into being more organized on a daily basis, being more honest with myself about how I am, and taking breaks when I need to even if I feel like I should be doing something else. I also am taking on the mantra of the 12-step community and focusing on ONE DAY AT A TIME, seeing as how managing 24 hours successfully is a whole lot easier than trying to plan the next 72 at once. I've learned about myself that I tend to avoid reality in many ways; one of them being planning the future to a point where I don't exist in the present - I make my dreams for the future my reality and it robs me of the time I have. I don't want to be always looking forward and waiting for better things to happen, I want to appreciate where I am. To do that, I will have to address the issues of the present, including stress management and self care.
To 2011, that I will be more comfortable in my own skin and that I will function better for it. And to organization! My ever present (and somehow never quite achieved) goal...
Happy New Year :)
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