i've been reading blue like jazz, and i just finished it last night. at first i hated it. at first it didn't live up to the hype; it's just a guy talking about his faith - it's not universal, it's not infallible, what the heck. the more i read, however, the more his simple view on things was true. one chapter in particular was about his re-entry into the world of roommates and people after having lived on his own and become a recluse, essentially. it was hard for him, being around people, because his relationship muscles hadn't been flexed in quite some time.
here's my struggle. i have been an emotional recluse since the high school youth group disintegrated. and now God's decided to call me into community. i went to the young adults group again this morning and it was good as usual but by the end of the morning i was absolutely exhausted. i saw an old friend in between services and talked to him for a while and then sat in a community, and i was so worn out. i'm an introvert anyway, but to be an introvert recovering from emotional isolation is going to be a painful process, i think.
ooh, fantastic.
and i'm tired, but i'm anxious. i want to sleep, but i feel wasteful for sleeping when i've just been given this charge; i should go! now! but that urge rejects God's timing, doesn't it. letting yourself get stressed about doing is just as bad as not doing anything in the first place. so i'm going to take a nap, and it will be good.
i'm excited for this growth. i'm just trying to prepare myself for it, you know. which, i think, is silly.
