every term brings out a new struggle, most of them involving time, or my lack of it. the reason this term feels different is that the cause of my lack of time is a much more positive thing than it has been for quite some time. the object of my processing that is taking up so much brain space is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and i am not used to that. i'm used to pouring over the dark depths of my soul, as exposed by uncomfortable situations and the occasional platonic heart break. i haven't dealt with real heart break in longer than it feels like. but that was part of the succession, at one point.
the thing about this term is that i haven't had the time to be grateful. i haven't had the time as of yet to sit down and just spend time with the one who has thrown all of this wonderful at me. and, not to say that it's not real now, but the act of being truly grateful somehow cements it, you know? seals the deal, i think. i mean i feel.
but today is going to be that day, i'm hoping. i want to today to be a reset day. i want today to be my thankful day. my day to sit and recognize how much i've been given in the past two months, and also to recognize how poorly i've appreciated it. it's funny that my resolution for this year was essentially to stop and smell the roses. i've gotten so far away from that. although not quite as far as i did once. which is encouraging, but still not enough.
i was going to go up to the mountain and find a place to sit and pray, etc., but that was before i got out of bed and realized that it was 47 degrees and rainy. plan b, i guess : ).
i also want to clean my room and read some psychology and just kind of start over. but more than all of that, i just want to feel grateful for a little while. i want to really feel it. because there is so much for me to feel it for. involvement. guidance. gifts. a completely unnecessary and surprising someone.
ok. i'm going to start the process, i think. good day : )
