i always love keeping sam and jake, even when they are incapable of hearing or obeying me. it calms me down, it pulls out my patience. i'm sure it wouldn't be that way if they were mine, but right now, it's such a comfort. they're always the same.
i just watched a movie called little fish. it was about people and drugs, and i sat there watching it on my couch eating a chocolate ice-cream cone, looking out our bay window with the dog curled up peacefully beside me.
i kind of hate that.
and it makes me wonder which is more real - that life or mine? which one is more true? because mine is cleaner, but their's is stronger. but how filthy is strong, and where does it just turn to muck, you know?
mmph. i'm going to spend my entire life looking for the line, aren't i? running back and forth and back and forth over it. maybe eventually i won't have to run so far before i recognize i've passed it, eh? maybe that's what this whole maturity thing is. getting just a little bit closer to the line.
i guess this means i believe in absolute truth, huh. because i do think there is a line, i just have no idea what it looks like and therefore it would be foolish to judge anyone on their relative placement. but then again, i am foolish. i do wish that i wasn't, worthless as that is when i have been.
i'm going to let this movie settle a little bit. it's still not very formed in my mind.
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