cookies for breakfast

well. how am i?

restless, right now.

there is something pulling at me. but i kind of know what it is and i don't really want to think about it right now.

my shoulders are peeling.

i'm going to straighten my hair tomorrow. i need to; i haven't all summer.

i also need to get my hair cut. short, i think. a little more-so than last time.

i have dreams of orka whales and owls
but i wake up in fear
you will never be my
you will never be my fool
will never be my fool

mm, yeah. this works.

i don't have to be at heather's until 10 tomorrow morning, so i've got a little extra sleeping room, which is nice.

here's the thing about being noticed: it's just being noticed. and it feels like more, when you've been invisible, but it's not - it's just an acknowledgement. perhaps an attraction, but it will never be acted upon. my favorites are the ones where you meet someone and they look at you that way and then you find out they're engaged? or you see them the next day and they're on a date, etc.

oops.

and then you just feel dumb. but i'm afraid that's starting to be quite a familiar emotion, so it's almost comfortable. i've almost given up on having any control over (or insight about) the interactions i have with the male gender.

almost. and i'm going to hold on to that almost as long as possible, so it's not really an "almost," it's a "not-even-close."

it's all about how you look at things.

this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

no this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took

[regina spektor]