this morning i woke up in a fog, which i called a sore throat and used as my excuse to roll over and skip work. in my defense, i really wasn't feeling my best, but i could've functioned - i just didn't feel like i could be open today. so i tossed and turned in my daydreams until one-ish, and then i moved to the couch and chased away my daydreams with crap tv. and then got up and showered and went to chip and kelsey's moving get-together, which felt so terminal. and it is in a sense, but it doesn't have to be in so many others. the relationships are not over, it's just a new phase. the beginning of a new chapter, i suppose.
my novel is very convoluted at this point. not linear at all. i think my life is actually one of those books where it's the same story told over and over by different characters in each chapter. like the view from saturday, you know? i'm living the same ideas over and over, but each time i live them, i look at them through a different lens, they have a slightly different twist because of the new situation in which i've been placed or the new perspective i've gained as a result of this event or that emotion.
anyway. after that, i was supposed to lead a bible study on psalm 62. this is where the divine intervention comes in. i couldn't find the house for the life of me. i drove back and forth in this neighborhood for a good 30 minutes trying to find it and i swear it was hiding from me. slash being hidden from me. so i called hannah to get better directions, and she didn't pick up her phone. i called her at least three times, and no answer.
i guess that whole waking-up-in-a-fog thing wouldn't have been too conducive to being honest. and i also think i just needed to drive, and the big guy decided to give me the chance to do it.
so i drove for two hours on curvy mountain roads with my i-pod on shuffle and i turned down any road that looked like it might turn into gravel at some point. it was wonderful - i haven't taken the time to just explore in a long time. poor lucy was a little angry at having to work so hard, though - she was grumbling a little toward the end of all of those hills. i'm afraid she's a little out of shape.
i'm going to be in a fog tomorrow, i can feel it already. but i can't skip again. and sometimes being in a fog is really great for work. sometimes it brings out the most basic, most honest kind of humility in me, and you would be amazed by what wonders that does in group sessions. i mean, the level of connection with the patients is just so much more real when i'm humble. truly humble, i-couldn't-have-gotten-out-of-bed-on-my-own-today humble.
i just hope that i can hold on to that for a long time. the rest of my life, perhaps. there's nothing like it.
i love music, did you know? i love it because it's so true. it's the most beautiful when it's simple, but it's one of the most complex ideas that exists. simple music is, i mean. i am of the opinion that really good music is totally a supernatural phenomenon, no matter who's producing it. kind of like the wind and sunsets. and the way water moves.
and fog.
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