sweatpants and chamomile

i've decided this evening is going to be one of those.

i'm going to curl up, start beloved and drink my tea.

today's been a good one - i'm feeling a lot better about doing nothing now that i know i'm going to start work on monday.

i wonder if my room is ever going to be clean. it is getting better, slowly.

oh man. i need to do laundry tomorrow morning. i'm playing in a wedding, and i think i should probably wear clothes. nice ones. and i need to mail my lancaster forms. and i need to write down the days i'll be at the beach and in colorado. and i need to e-mail the new associate director. and call kelsey.

that's manageable. i just have to remember to do it. i might have to break out the planner one of these days.

i'm tired. i actually did physical activity today. 3 miles on the treadmill, in fact.

i think i fried my brain on one too many episodes of what not to wear, though.

mm. music. that's better.

it's funny. one song and i'm back on the plane. i can smell it, i can feel my earphones pulsing, i can feel the seat hitting my back in all the wrong places and my neck hurts from being crooked for an hour or so.

feels like not long ago at all, but it's been a couple months now since my crazy weekend jet-sets.

but. i've decided time is irrelevant. people put way too much weight in it and i really don't think it's all that important. so. i'm swearing off it for good.

do you know what i figured out about my emotions the other day? they have absolutely no direction. i just feel. and then, later, i can slap a name on it, but at first, it's just emotion. and it comes from the same place in my stomach every time. like i can watch a beautiful sunset or read a really sharp sentence and it hits the same place true sadness would. there's a little difference between every situation, obviously, but not enough to really separate the initial mmph.

i'm not sure that makes any sense. but i feel almost exactly the same thing in my stomach when i'm angry or when i'm inspired, when i'm broken or when i'm joyful.

and i'm not really sure what that means, but there it is.

do you know what makes me feel in the best way? finding the right music for my mood.

mmhm.

there's something about a mandolin, too, you know? it just adds . . . i don't know. something wonderful.

hey guess what. i'll be at the beach at this time next week after a road trip with the brothers.

i'm going to go read. and stick this song on repeat.

when she's sleeping on the sofa
when she's laying in her sunday best

i think i like it because it reminds me of iris a little bit. and it just pulses in the right way.

must be the mandolin.

[augustana]