hoo boy. here it goes (again).

i've never done well with transition, but i think i assumed college would change me. i think i felt like a new environment would breed a new personality. the more i think about it, the more i realize that i had a goal in mind, as far as who i wanted to be in college (and now, after college). in so many ways i've approached that goal, and in so many ways i'm exactly who i was when i pulled up to school freshman year. 

i think i need to realize that there's nothing wrong with that - just because my personality is consistent doesn't mean i'm hopeless, right? ha. but really, that's where my despair comes from, that's the part that overwhelms me - the idea that if i really am tied to this personality, then i will never grow into what i want to be. as good as i am at picking out others' potential, i fail miserably at turning that inward. and i fail at trusting that he made me this way for a reason; it's a hard thing to believe when you have front row seats to the jessie show. 

well, here's the thing - i think i focus my perfectionism inward because i don't believe it's right to ask that much of other people. and yet it's fair to ask that much of myself? of course not, but i never claimed to be logical.

that's a helpful realization. i hadn't thought about that before.

a season of growth, ladies and gentlemen. i haven't had one like this in quite awhile : ). i suppose i say that a lot, but every one is always different. and this one is very reminiscent of my high school seasons. i think that's a good thing, though it may not sound like it.

alright. to motivation! and more writing! on a slightly less personal topic. and in a slightly more challenging form. 

happy monday : )