to notice the unnoticeable

i started 2008 by waking up to the middle of a deep thought process. at first, i was distressed, because i didn't want to be thinking so consumingly only 5 short hours after i'd gone to bed, but my thoughts did not want to sort themselves back into their assigned boxes for later contemplation, so i got up. the drive home was one of the most productive drive-and-thinks i've had for quite some time now - i thought about new year's resolutions and my self (surprised?) and my friends but most of all beauty. and the departure from it.

here is what i think about beauty at this moment in my life and thought process:

it is my new year's resolution to make 2008 a year of beauty. i hope to dedicate myself to its cause, though i know it's something i will desperately want to turn my back on sometimes. i suppose that it's kind of unfair to call this simply a new year's resolution, because in all honesty it's becoming my life's work. isn't that what counseling ultimately is? the quest for scattered beauty? rediscovering the beauty that's been lost in a person, by way of teaching them to see and appreciate it again, i mean. something is blocking their view, as it is, whether it's brain chemistry or tragic life circumstances or overpowering relationships. i want to clear that block, in my life and others'.

hm? can i?

of course not. but the process of trying is worth it regardless.

and this, this will be enough to occupy my heart for the rest of my life. it should be, anyway. i know i will be distracted along the way - beauty is such that you have to live to wait for it. bothersome, yeah? but you have to live knowing it exists, without seeing it often, because it does. oh how it does. the more i do and the older i get the less frequently i encounter beauty, but the times i do encounter it are so much more powerful than they've ever been. now it's real. now it's eye contact, silence, a caring hand.

i think my thought processes on this were triggered by taking ben to see i am legend yesterday, to be honest - as much as it is an action/suspense, it is a beautiful movie. or rather, it does a good job of representing the beauty in humanity. the whole thing was designed to be a comment on humanity, anyway, but there's such room for error in that, you know. i'm always wary of a hollywood portrayal of the fundamentals, but this film was removed enough to be a good one. by that i mean that it didn't try to define what it means to be human, it simply alluded to a small portion of the definition. that wisdom in approaching the communication of such a subject is beautiful in itself, i think.

anyway, there is a scene in which will smith's character is holding a little boy who's fallen asleep that sent a tear down my cheek; he picks him up and just stops for a moment, feeling the boy's weight, closing his eyes and soaking in his sleepy child-ness, you know? there is something so restorative in that. there is something beautiful in that. and so this scene was a hint. a little window into this huge idea that i find myself pursuing.

mm.

well.

happy new year, and here's to beauty.