tears for taylor mac

a one-man-(in)-drag-show. very minimalistic and very raw? but still very much a show, in that his personality is a showy one, as are most drag-queen's personalities, i would imagine.

just a guess.

i was more moved by the authenticity of feeling in this drag show than i have been by a sermon in quite a long time.

maybe it's the novelty - maybe the feeling seems more real because it's such a new angle. maybe i'm just jaded when it comes to church, which a real and distinct possibility.

maybe my expectations of church have muddled the experience for me. it certainly wouldn't be the first time my high expectations have led to cynicism.

anyway, i just feel like truth is much more internal than all of that. which means it's portable and not confined to a certain atmosphere.

to be fair - my heart moved in the same way while i was listening to the choir practice in manchester cathedral. i think that's what it is - my heart moves to beauty. taylor's a cappella the only thing to fear is fear itself with feeling in his eyes and coming out from behind the sequins and paint under the spotlight was beautiful because it was honest. the kind of honest that lingers in the air for a moment after it's communicated. like the sound of the choir.

i'm afraid of fear
i'm afraid of fearful people

[taylor mac]

church is too formulaic to be beautiful sometimes. it's too big not to be formulaic. which leads me to wonder, when did the idea of fellowship come to mean walking into a sea of people every sunday morning? how did we twist the idea of community to be more impersonal than staying in bed, alone?

i suppose that's what sunday school and bible studies are for - heck, it's what families are for - to be your community, with corporate worship being a gathering of the communities, ideally.

i should disclaim all of this and say that this is my personal opinion and a lot of this stems from my introverted-self's preferences. my heart's capacity for community is about 10 people big. if that, some days.

amos lee's voice sounds like a male version of norah jones's, i think. at least it does in night train.

i've been searching for a simple place
don't know if it exists

there's a sunrise out there calling my name
i can see her moving, i can see her moving

well at a certain time of night, now
i'll become one with the wind
where there isn't a beginning
and there is no end

[amos lee]

the entire day is gone, and i haven't done a single thing . . . except process a thought. that's valuable, right?

i'll take it. and try not to run : )