"irthdays" and that conversation thing

the times i feel most connected and alive here are the times that make me wonder if i've become socially dependent on the party culture. what if my ability to make conversation is being reduced to yelling back and forth in a club? why is it that when someone comes into the kitchen, the most i can muster up to say is "how was your day?" and after the answer is given, i'm quiet?

now, i know i've never been the most amazing conversationalist, but still. i feel so inadequate, so crippled in this! and then she thinks, maybe it has to do with the fact that you have very few things in common with the people you're trying to talk to. coincidence? of course not. it takes effort to make conversation across (very diverse) personalities, especially when you're as far into yourself as i am some days, and lately it seems i just can't be bothered. which will turn into a pattern of behavior more than a bad couple of days, if i don't watch it.

i also haven't done any work lately, so once i've freed up that part of my mind i'll have more to give, i think.

i don't particularly want to go to CU tonight, but i think i need to (well, i know i need to, but the word "know" doesn't give me much room to get out of going, does it?), in keeping with the having-something-to-give theme.

we watched a film called slacker in film studies today that was very disjointed. it wasn't a very good story, first-hand, anyway - it was a picture of different stories that i could have explored mentally if i wanted to (and thus realized the stories being communicated), but again, i couldn't be bothered.

i should really remember to take my iron, i think.

other than my energy slump, things are well. i'm enjoying a blast from the past to the tune of gavin degraw, and i think i might actually get some work done today; i looked at my buddhism essay for a bit yesterday, and it's going to be really interesting to write. i'm comparing the concepts of suffering in buddhism and christianity and potentially islam, if i can find good information on it. well, if i have the time to find good information on it. which means, if i don't procrastinate. heh.

right then.

cheers.