i have been listening to nickel creek exclusively for about a week now; that kind of musical focus hasn't happened in quite awhile. it makes me happy.
i'm a doubting thomas
i'll take your promise
though i know nothing's safe
life is different this year. i'm not sure i can explain it, but of course i will follow that with an attempt. i know i've changed - i am more concentrated. my personality is more saturated, my focus is more narrow, and my passivity is decreasing. it's changed everything - my relationships with people, obviously. and my approach to my school work is so much more centered and true. it's a cool feeling, but it's so radically different from anything i've ever experienced that i'm not sure i'll ever get used to it : ). i've actually gotten angry with people and told them i was angry with them this year. which essentially means that hell froze over; my personality is not one to confront, but i'm learning how and it's opened up this part of me that tells the truth, stands up for what she believes in, and doesn't acquiesce to people's wants or whims. now, i will always be accommodating, and i hope i never lose my compromising spirit, but this truth thing is a world of good.
i am full, too. i am independently full. i think this is the first time since sophomore year that i've really, truly found my stride again.
all this not to say that life hasn't been challenging - there has been plenty of drama and conflict this year to last me for quite a while, but it's not end-of-the-world conflict like it used to feel. i'm not attached to the conflict, though i am still completely attached to the people. i'm finally rediscovering what unselfish love feels like, i hope.
i don't know, i like this. i don't want to sound stuffy or inflated, but i am joyful.
hm.
happy halloween : ).
[nickel creek]
